Life here is different. I have now been in Guatemala for over four weeks and realize how far away from home I am. Of course I can find some things that resemble home-great vanilla lattes, puma shoes, Special K, and an occasional Ford Explorer that passes by. It is so easy to think of the comforts of home, but God is allowing me to appreciate the things that I think are "different."
Even being gone for only a month, the pot hole roads are expected, smoothies with no ice taste good, and riding in the back of a truck is a way to experience rapid air conditioning. It is all different, yet a way of life. This new way of life has perks and "pot holes" everyday. It is in living this new way of life that I finding myself--finding myself.
I know the things that I love at home: movie night with the fam, warm showers, rockin friends, Kennedy Coffee etc. That's easy. But finding what truly brings satisfaction in an environment so far away from home brings what we call dependence. So what am I depending on?
Definitely not myself! I thought I knew all lot of me and I thought that I can depend on a part me, but that is what my step-dad would say is my problem, "I thought"J. God is showing me that I must find who I am in Him. And that is what requires dependence. Since I am finding that I can only go so far, I am willing to lose all (risk all) so that I can gain all. It is a type of dependence that I have never fully entered into. It is me giving up all control and finally letting God take my "yoke" so that I can have His (which is soooo much lighter). It is giving my burden to God and so that I may become a much stronger tower.
God is asking me right now to give all burdens to Him. I mean ALL. Any burdens that I have carried for others and for myself. He wants to be Lord in my life. So as this epiphany/resolution came to mind, my days have seemed lighter. Conversations are being led more by the Spirit than by my own voice. I am not trying to play "Ms. Fix It" for my team or be the glue (which doesn't always hold). I must allow God to do that. I might still be used as a tool in these areas, but as a hammer hitting a nail and not a screw. I now must be used to my full purpose.
In my life I have been building a fortress that might be layered with some of God and some of me. It looks good. May seem sturdy; but it is slowly crashing down. God gave me a picture that He is taking a baseball bat and hitting away parts of the tower that are not of Him. He is doing this so that He can finally build a tower that is much sturdier and way more beautiful than I could ever imagine. It hurts. Anything that is being torn down within hurts, but what is left is a foundation that can present a tower that will last even the toughest of times. I must allow this process to happen. I can't stop it. It would not be wise and God has given me the hope of what I will look like when He is done. The hope I see is from the inside out.
I may have made my tower with dipped gold, but God wants it to be pure gold. No more dross. He is melting away me so that I can be found blameless.
Ahhhhh what a process it will be and has been but will keep you posted along the journey. I will need prayer as I enter in. Life here will remain different. I will still find new things I will grow to love. I think one might be the new me. I guess becoming different is a way of life.
It has now been five weeks since I have left the ole Natural state of Arkansas. Transition was stretching.
After the first week in Palenque with the whole squad, my small team was sent to the mountains in a village called Arroyo Palenque. It is very different from the Mexico you may think of. It is set back in a series of rolling mountains, magnificent waterfalls and rivers, and no sombreros. They don't even speak Spanish; they speak a dialect called Chol. That means I talk in English, my team member, Jes, translates in Spanish which is then translated into Chol. So I was learning two languages at the same time. There were times I spoke three different languages in one sentence!
Arroyo Palenque's backyard. The shower. All natural ice water spring.
My small team spent two weeks in what we called "Choltown." It wasn't an easy two weeks. It was very challenging for us all. We were teamed up with a church and lived with the Pastor and His wife, three kids, his three sisters, one brother and many other neighborhood kids. Let's just say "Full House." Showering took place in a near by river and my bed consisted of my Therm-a-rest mat and a tent. I quickly had to fall in love with black beans and corn tortillas, for they were served nearly every meal. Life for a local is very much of a routine. Men work in the fields or on a farm, gather wood, and eat. The women would grind corn for tortillas, kill chickens for food, and gather wood as well. The children would play and then play some more. It seemed like they never really took school too seriously. Walking is also an everyday venture. No one owned a car, yet there was paved roads-hmmm.
My team led services, played with the kids and prayed for many in the community. We have really started to step in boldness and pray for the sick with faith. I desire to have faith like the Centurion in Luke. That is a progress. My team started a small band called "The Cinco Gringos." I play the guitar, Maithili is singing and playing the piano, Jes and Jessie are on vocals and Zach is play the djembe on a water jug. I couldn't believe we did it. I don't think any of us ever thought we would be leading worship. Amazing how God is using me even musically.
To introduce you to the family:
This is Pastor Marcos and his wifey! The future missionary son: Adriene
The crazy middle daughter: Carla The spoiled one: Goddie
My small team of five is still in the process of getting to know one another. Being so different, conflict came at an early stage. Community living was put to the test. I quickly realized that any parts of our selfish tendencies are magnified. With the three language barriers, living 24-7 with your contact, and still trying to build a team on the side--we weren't experience much JOY. Our team needs laughter. Our team needs fun. Our team needs--simply--JOY!
We left the village after two weeks of ministry there to head back to Palenque. I realized that God took us to a place where we would experience brokenness so that we could start to rely on Him for our unity. It is also in these earlier stages that God is starting to build something. So glad it is not us trying to build it. It just simply doesn't work with out HIM! Even during the midst of our brokenness, God still used our team to minister to the family and pray over the sick. He still uses us. Beautiful.
We were in Palenque for two days and woke up to a bell at 5:00 am to start a day of racing to Antigua, Guatemala. This is about a 14 hour trip. First one to the Higher Ground Coffee Shop in Antigua wins. We cannot operate our own vehicle and must get there on a $50 budget per person. Our team, JOY, teamed up with BOLD--together we became JOLD. The highlights include windy roads, speed bumps every five minutes, an hour stop at the boarder and the slowest Guatemalan driver known to mankind. To my humiliation, we lost. We lost so bad that a team hour and half behind us passed us and beat us over 30 minutes. My competitive nature was thrown out the window after that.
Antigua hit the spot. It brought so much refreshment. I was able to see my Dad. It just happened that he was there at the same time, so I was able to spend a day and morning with him. Still thanking God on that one. He was able to meet some of my team members and Seth and Karen Barnes, our coaches for the year. The six days that we spent there were full of meetings with the squad, the team and individually. There was so much to process from the last three weeks that my mind was on overload. My small team was able to get a lot out on the table and start to work towards honesty and being disciples that press into the brokenness. So Antigua was refreshing yet still didn't feel quite rested. Overall, God met me there. I felt pretty empty, but He is in the business of filling me up.
Also in Antigua, our small team closed the Chapter from Palenque and is now pursuing God and one another in a new light. Expectations were raised and prayer is becoming a daily thing for us. It is in that brokenness that God pours out His love and shows us how truly faithful He is. I have so much hope and faith in God. At this point, it is all I can do. He is going to continue to stretch us. This is good for us. But in the mean time, laughter, fun and JOY are back!
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19
God has never spoken to me as much as He has this past week. I have declared that God´s Spirit is powerful in me in His Silence but when He really does speak--Wow! God is pointing me to scripture and then confirming it through people or places all over Palenque.
The first verse I want to share is Eph. 3:16-19 (above). I have desired to know God´s love in a mighty way. I can´t even grasp how big it looks like. I guess I just want to taste as much as I can on this side of Heaven. Love is a mighty thing to feel, but to know of a love that surpasses all knowledge, literally, blow my mind. I have been praying over our group that we would be established in this kind of love. But as for me, I just want more and to experience more. I want my cup to overflow with His love.
A day after reading and praying about this verse, five girls from my squad, where praying over me and were taking time to see if there is anything that God wanted to say to me specifically. One girl, Ali, said that God gave her a vision of me standing looking over a sea and saying that the Lord wanted me to know how far His love is for me. Another girl, Shanda, said that she had a vision that I was standing overlooking a waterfall where near the end was a woman who was bathing. She said that the water was love flowing to others. Ali had another word for me that God was saying this year will be overwhelming but overwhelming with love. Another girl, Ashley Musick, said that this water is showing me that life is all around me and flowing to others.
I want to try to paint you a picture of what God showed me in that moment. I was standing on a cliff over looking the most beautiful sea. (We will call it the "sea of love") The "sea of love" started to rise and it came over the cliff washing over my feet. From there I turned and looked around to see where the water was going and it instantly dropped off into a raging, rushing waterfall where from a distance was a women who was bathing in God´s love.
Ok, please tell me God is talking to me. I was just amazed in that moment at the power of the Spirit how He can use us all to speak truth into others. I guess when we take time to listen, He overwhelms us with His precious love. I can´t wait to share with you this year how these visions will all come together. I am still amazed as I type this what God is doing and what He is going to do.
I must share one more. I really desire big things to happen on this squad. I´m talking about things that I can´t even imagine. I want God to use His creativity on this team and do things that I could not believe. I knew there was a verse in the Word about that desire. I stubbled across it last week. It is found in Hab. 1:5
"Look at the nations and watch--and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5
Before I left the states, a girl I discipled named Holly had given me a journal with many verses in it. The evening that I found this verse, I was writting in that jounal and my eyes went directly to the page where Hab. 1:5 was written out. I knew it was God speaking to me and my squad. From there a team member, Sarah, came up to me saying that she felt like the Lord had put a verse on her heart to share with me. It was Isaiah 12:4-6
"In that day you will say: ´Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world. Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you´" Isaiah 12:4-6
Now if you could, read the Habakkuk verse and then the verse in Isaiah.
AMAZING at what He is revealing. These were just two stories of how God is showing me His power and His desire to speak to us. He really does want a personal and intimate relationship with each of us. I am finding it more true that His Word really is a love letter to us all. How Romantic!
I love you all and thank you for taking the time to read this. A lot is happening and will update more next weekend. I have been in a village this past week about an hour outside of Palenque. They speak a different dilect, so I´m learning Spanish and Cheol. Oh boy!! And I have problems with English:) Will report about my time there, and please be praying for our team and that God would unite us even more during this time in the mountains of Mexico. Cheers, peace, and love.
I have officially started The World Race. I am so excited and have
no idea what to expect. After 52 hours of traveling, our team of 32
arrived to Palenque, Mexico (2 hours from Guatemala). My trip started in
XNA on Saturday at 10 am where I flew to Miami and met the rest of my
team. We then left for Mexico City the next morning at 7:55 a.m. and
arrived at 10 a.m. We then had a 5 hour layover and flew to Cancun.
From there we found a bus for only 19 of us to Palenque. The other 13
stayed the night and left the next morning. We drove through the night and
watched Spiderman in Spanish, woke up to Beyonce singing at 3 in the morning,
and finally figured out a way to sleep more than a half hour long.
The next morning after 13 hours of driving, our bus broke down, but with
the help of our new Belgium friend, Tony, we were able to figure out how to get
to our town. (Thanks again if you’re reading this! Your English skills
were wonderful.) We are staying at a bible school and are spending
today and this week as students to understand this city and the culture.
The Bible school opens its door to pastors from all over for two month training
free of charge. They go through a variety of classes that will equip them
to better go and preach the Gospel to their city.
I really am excited to find out why it is that God has us in this
city. It is still a mystery, but I am starting to see and come to an
understanding that they are just people who need a hope. My small team is
going exploring today and will start to observe and ask the Spirit to guide us
to the right people and into the right doors. I really have no
worries. I feel no expectations. I just want to love and show
people what truth (verdad) means. I can´t wait to tell you all more about
these people. All I know is that there are about five different dialects
and many Roman Catholics. We are also very close to the Mayan ruins
and some amazing waterfalls. I am praying that God will use us here in
these short three and half weeks and that you all would be blessed by this
journey as well. I will try to keep you informed as much as I can and please
pray that life here would be transformed by the people we meet. That they
will come to an understanding of a light that loves the eternally. Never
ending.
I now have to pay my eight pesos and am on my way to walk the
streets of Palenque. May God dwell here in this place.
As much as the World Race will be an adventure, preparing to go on the World Race has already been a journey in itself. I get excited when people ask "So what are you doing with your education?" or "So waitress, huh, what else are you going to do?" From there, I preceed to try to introduce the World Race in a 30 second speech. Their eyes light up from excitment and a sense of wonder is born. "What a great idea!" "Are you kidding? Really? Wow, I wish I could do something like that."
There is something about living in God's will that is an adventure for all to hear and experience. It looks different for all, but God is always faithful in reveal it to us, on His time frame. I see how faithful He is to place people in my path to encourage, enlighten and even dream about what God can do if we just simply obey His call in our lives.
Obeying His call isn't always easy. Stepping out of a comfortable box is hard. I know. I am about to step out of a very comfortable box. I have been in the Northwest Arkansas area for 13 years and am now being thrown at the world. Literally, launched into the unknown.
I sit here (of course at a coffee shop) trying to figure out how I am going to get everything finished to leave this comfort box. Part of this journey to the World Race is giving up things that I so long thought I needed. It's surrendoring my rights and becoming vunlerable. It's trusting Jesus to provide now more than ever. God is showing me not to wait on launch date, June 28th, but to be present right where I am and live outside my comfort box in Bentonville.
These last six months have been spent at Mimis Cafe, in a classroom taking "Perspectives," with my cell group, on various trips with friends and church, and just being at home with my family. I have made so many new relationships and see the hunger in peoples eyes to find a hope. People in Northwest Arkansas are searching. It's really not a matter of people that have never heard the Gospel, but a matter of people wanting to be loved and not judged, dispite what they think of the "Bible belt."
God has taught me to love those people in my life. To listen and offer a hug and a prayer. This has been part of my journey to the World Race: stepping out of my comfort box right at home. I start by listening to the Holy Spirit. He will guide when the time right. May we refresh the eyes we see everyday, in our comfort boxes, to a hope that is all wrapped up in love and invitation. Everyone has a story. May this be a part of our jouney in Christ.
"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of your Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 15:5-6
After couple personality test, being examined by multiple leaders, team builders (including holding hands on a 2.5 mile run), and through much much prayer; our teams have been announced. This is truly an exciting time to introduce the small team of six I will be working with on a minute to minute basis. My team includes:
Zach Parish:A guy who lives in our state,AR- but still claims Texas(no surprise). Full of love.
Jess Edquist: Another Texan that has a great laugh and fire in her soul.Beautiful spirit.
Patrick Baez: And for the last Texan- whom Jesus is shaping his heart to be like His own.
Maithili Johnson: A WashingtonState girl that is so sensitive to the spirit and full of spark.
Jessie Miller: An Ohio gal that came in with a hug and is not leaving without one.Pure Joy.
From the very beginning this team got together, we bonded through laughter.Every team's mission was to pick a team name and make a memory.Our memory included taking one of the Worldrace staff's car, Jimmy, and adding anything and everything to it, including leopard dice and visor (which he loved), Just Married written on back windshield and cans dragging to follow.Words do not do justice.
Our original team name was the Tex-Mex Ballerinas, but surprisingly J that one didn't sit as well.So after a little more thought, it just made sense that our team wants to bring joy to others through our laughter and excitement.JOY stands for Jesus Overcomes You.Our mission stands within this double meaning.Not only do we desire to bring JOY to the broken but believing that as Jesus has overcame us, He too wants to overcome the broken.
You can go to the main page www.theworldrace.org and click on teams. From there select Team July and you will see my whole squad. Under the squad that I will be traveling with, you will see Team J<O<Y.You can click on their name to go to their own home page.
It is honor to have a group that is ready to do the work of the Lord.It is also an honor to have a team that wants to do it with JOY.The verse above is one that Maithili found for our team.I desire that our team and our squad, no matter what the name, would go this next year to glorify the Lord------ above all.
I have now been home from training camp five days and have seen how easy it is for me to fit right back into the puzzle I call my routine. But how can I fit. My heart is changing. Camp stripped me of all stone on my heart and had me taste brokenness in the presence of the Lord.
I have always seemed to be pretty obedient to the Lords call in my life, but in the back corner of my mind was a voice of doubt. The doubt was not always there, but would arise only in season when the Lord was very quiet. I didn't know what to do with this silence. I always kept persevering through, but deep down was frustrated at understand the presence of the Holy Spirit in me. Am I alive in the Spirit? What does that even look like? Why has the Holy Spirit been on the back burner of the trinity in my life?
It was these last couple week at camp that I declared that I AM ALIVE IN THE SPIRIT! The Lord showed me that even in the times of His silence; He is just as powerful and present. The Spirit came up me like the "whisper of a dove" as Ron Walborn would say. This whisper was enough to show me that all along in my doubt, the Lord was faithful. I'm beginning to look back on some of those moments in my life where I ask God "Where are you?" And He answers "Right within you."
Throughout my life, the Spirit has given me courage and boldness to speak his name. But I am so very excited to see how He is going to come upon me next year. Maybe in a whole new way but maybe will continue to be in a whisper of a dove. Either way the Spirit is powerful within me. This is the beauty of our Lord. Even a whisper overcomes all.
May I declare in this routine I live in that I AM ALIVE IN THE SPIRIT! And may the Spirit shake the people within that routine.
I want to be moldable. I'm tired of being a dried, cracked piece of clay that has no movement. I want to be the unique sculpture God intended for me to be. It's not worth living comfortable anymore. Heaven is upon us, and I desire with every beat to be a part of God's purpose to restore HIS KINGDOM.
I came into this training camp with raw fears about meeting the people I will spend my next year with. This fear was instantly shattered by my first hug of a teammate (Ali) at the airport. It was then that God was calling me to trust Him NOW. He has got something to show me about Him and my group.
A revival is happening in each one of my teammate's hearts. It's a revival that is restoring God's Spirit in us and fixing our eyes back on the one who has ripped the veil. The devil's strongholds has been a part of our lives way to long. It is now that we can never go back how we entered in.
I am processing a lot in this community of my teammates. I say "community" because I have finally seen what it looks like to feel unashamed to worship, free to be bold in the Spirit and understand the importance of grieving as a whole. It is just so real.
We are working through junk to come to the Father wholly. The best of it all, He is meeting us right where we are. We can lift off our mask and just be who He created us to be, people passionate about God's heart.
Five days remain of training camp. As I begin to see hearts transformed (including mine) I know that it is our God who calls us ALL to be moldable. I really can't wait to see and know all that that Lord is going to do in us next year. It is coming alive. Lord, take this piece of clay and do your work.
